When a child with autism, Asperger’s or PDD-NOS is diagnosed it is often quite obvious to families to see why Speech Therapy is an important part of intervention. However it is not often clear how Occupational Therapy can be utilised to improve their child’s “Sensory Processing” which has a huge impact on their  social and communication development.

As you may or may not know “Sensory Processing is the organisation of sensation for use” (Ayres). What this means is that our brains are constantly taking in sensory information from our surroundings and trying to make sense of it. We then process this information to be able to behave and learn in an effective manner.

Many children with autism can be challenged in this area of development which makes the world a very confusing and sometimes crazy place to exist! Much of their energy is spent trying to interpret the sensations that they are receiving and they are often not able to focus on the things that we think are important. When this flow of sensations in the brain is disorganised, life can be like a rush hour traffic jam, so no wonder it becomes hard for children with autism to concentrate!!

Poor Sensory Processing is one of the major reasons why children with autism can have so much difficulty with ‘attention’ (among other things).

If your child has problems with Sensory Processing you may notice that your child…

1. Spends too much time attending to certain parts of toys/objects

2. Is drawn to certain games/activities that have a visual, auditory, touch or other sensory focus

3. Has difficulty focussing when in noisy or busy environments

4. Doesn’t play with toys in a conventional way but chooses to find a sensory way of playing with it

5. Becomes easily overexcited in activities

6. Switches very quickly from being calm to very agitated/upset

7. Has the need to constantly move

8. Changes quickly from one activity to the next etc, etc

In order for your child to be able to socialise, communicate and learn effectively from others it is vital that they are able to attend and focus in a calm, organised and alert state. If they are having trouble with this then they are going to find it very hard to learn effectively through ‘joint attention’ with other people, which is necessary for the development of social and communication skills.

Occupational therapists, that specialise in ASD, can certainly assist you with improving your child’s attention and focus by carrying out Sensory Integration Therapy. Please never underestimate the importance of ‘sensory integration’ work because getting your child into their optimum state is the foundations of all learning.

If you do not have access to an Occupational Therapist who specialises in sensory integration and/or you would like to learn more about this necessary area of development (as many professionals do not have time for training parents during their sessions) …please take a look at my training modules ‘Sense Part 1 and 2’.

I would also love to hear your stories of how improving your child’s sensory processing skills has had a greater impact on your child’s learning as well as social and communication development.

Please click here to share your comments

Related posts:

1. Help! My child finds it hard to concentrate
2. One Habit to Avoid for Better Communication
3. Is Your Child’s Therapy Team Really Working Together?

Howdy all,

Well I am now the proud mother of two beautiful children. Our little boy Liam was born on the 30th of March and he has certainly been a lovely addition to our family. Though I can hardly say ‘little’ as he weighed in at 4.45 kg, which is nearly 10 pounds! Eek…poor me

Anyway we are enjoying him immensely as there is nothing quite like a cuddle form a newborn baby.

In my last blog post we looked at some of the main things to think about and some key questions that you should ask any speech pathologist before employing their services to help your child with autism.

After you’ve been working with your therapist for a few months you’ll want to know if the therapy is actually making a difference and that you child is making some real progress. This depends greatly on how good a ‘match’ your therapist (and the therapy) is for your child.

So today (as promised) I’d like to share with you some of the warning signs that may indicate that it’s time to find another speech pathologist who is ‘a better match’ for your child.

If you haven’t read my previous post about why this is so important please read it now.

As you know, time is precious and no parent wants to waste it when treating their child with autism! This is particularly true for early intervention. So it’s very important that you are able to determine as early as possible whether the therapy your child is receiving is effective or not… otherwise days will turn into weeks that will turn into years…and before you know it time is slipping away.

But fear not

Here are some tips to help you determine just how effective your child’s speech therapy really is… and whether you should continue with your current therapist or start looking for another one…

1. Does your child have a good connection/relationship with their speech pathologist?

Please remember that without a warm, trusting and fun relationship your child will not genuinely want to interact or learn from their therapist. This is essential for creating a solid foundation for all future learning.

2. Is your child enjoying their therapy sessions?

Two of the primary ingredients for learning new things and laying down memories are ‘fun’ and ‘motivation’. So for speech therapy to be effective is must be fun and motivating for your child. It’s crucial that your therapist incorporates your child’s interests into their therapy sessions. If your child is attentive in the activity because it ‘pushes their buttons’ then the quality and rate of learning will be far greater. So if after several months of therapy, if your therapist is not incorporating highly motivating activities into your sessions (easy to spot because your child will be bored and disinterested 8 out of 10 sessions)… or worse still, they may not even be aware of what activities actually motivate your child, then it may be time to move on.

3. Are there noticeable improvements in your child’s Social and Communication Skills as a result of the goals that are being targeted in speech therapy?

Can you notice a difference in day-to-day functioning of your child? Can others notice a difference?

The reason that I ask you this is because sometimes speech therapy sessions can seem to be going well ‘in the clinic’ but these improvements do not necessarily translate to the everyday functioning of your child…. and let’s face it, this is what is really important!

This can happen if the goals that are being set are not very meaningful and important to the child’s existence. In my opinion, the best way of speech therapists creating practical and meaningful goals is by doing home and school visits that clearly show the therapist what is important to target in intervention. If a speech therapist is simply creating goals as a result of carrying out some formal language tests then there is a good chance that the goals will not be practical and meaningful and perhaps will not target the social aspect of communication development. Instead they will just end up teaching splinter skills (i.e: following instructions, answering questions, requesting things etc) without addressing their application in day to day life.

4. Are you clear at the end of each therapy session what goals you are targeting in therapy and what you need to work on and practice before the next session?

I know you already know this but an hour or so of speech therapy weekly or fortnightly is simply not going to create the huge breakthroughs you want for your child. Whenever possible you need to be following up and working with your child at home. It only needs to be for half an hour or so but it must be regular.

Therefore it is crucial that your speech therapist is including a lot of parent training and education in your sessions so that you feel confident on how to apply what you’re working on at home (another really good reason why your therapist needs to understand what goes on at home so they can give you practical activities and exercises that actually work in the home environment). By doing this you will gradually learn how to make every interaction with your child a fabulous learning opportunity… which is when you start to see the big breakthroughs!! So if your therapist is not helping you achieve this then I’d suggest that you’re not getting the most out of them!

5. Lastly. Trust your own intuition as a parent!

Some families will say to me “I knew for a long time that the therapy was not right for my child and I felt like I was just handing over my money at the end of the session and not achieving very much”. If it doesn’t feel right to you then it’s probably not! But make sure you give something new a few months before you decide to stop.

A final thought…

Please do not waste your precious time and resources on therapy that you feel is ineffective or not a ‘good match’ for your child. Constantly review and challenge the effectiveness of your therapist’s intervention and make the necessary changes by trusting your intuition. I can’t tell you what a buzz it gives me to see parents who feel so capable and confident to trust their intuition because they have spent a little bit of time every day training and empowering themselves to better understand their child’s needs.

Please keep these things in mind at your next session!

If you would like further assistance in building your knowledge and practical skills to help your child on a daily basis and to become better at assessing the effectiveness of their therapy sessions then I think you’re really going to get a lot out of my Autism Essentials In-home Training Program.

As always, I’d love to hear about your experiences and stories that you may have on this issue.
Please leave me your comments below.

Till next time
Monique

P.S: If you liked this article you can always subscribe for free (top right of this page) and each time I create a new article I’ll let you know via email so you’ll never miss a thing!

Related posts:

1. What you should know before choosing a speech pathologist for your child with autism
2. Effective Speech Therapy… what works and what doesn’t
3. Is Your Child’s Therapy Team Really Working Together?

Often toy libraries can be a very underutilised service in many communities… but they have a lot to offer, particularly for children with autism, aspergers or pdd-nos.

Many families say “We have so many toys at home…the last thing we need is more toys”

But let me give you a little bit of food for thought….

I saw a boy named Oli on the weekend for a session who will be going to a mainstream school next year.

He is doing really well with his play and interactions at home with his parents and his brother. This family have done an incredible job at building their relationship with Oli, helping him realise that they are heaps of fun to be around and can add so much value to his life. In fact, when I recently analysed some video footage of Oli playing with his family at home it really was not apparent that he had autism!

Yet aside from all of his wonderful progress at home his parents report that he is having significant trouble forming relationships with his peers.

One of Oli’s challenges is that he experiences a considerable amount of anxiety which is getting in the way of helping him develop friends. The thing that triggers this anxiety for Oli is new and unpredictable things. For example when he has play dates with friends, away from home, there is soooo much unpredictability (new home, less familiar people and of course new toys!).

So we needed to focus on helping Oli become more comfortable with new situations. Therefore I recommended that this family create more unpredictability in their play time at home, where Oli already felt very safe and secure.

One excellent way to create this unpredictability is by introducing different toys into your child’s play sequences.

But as you no doubt know, kids can get bored of the same toys very quickly. So if you’re child is no longer motivated by the toys you have at home, an excellent source of new and interesting toys can be your local community toy library… just like a plain old book library but instead you can borrow toys! Plus what’s also great is that as soon as your child gets bored of them you can simply return them!

Just do a Google search for toy libraries in your local area. Obviously some toy libraries are better equipped than others but it’s definitely worth checking out! And if you can’t find any toy library in your area then you could always organise to swap some toys with friends or family members.

Even if your child is not up to the same stage as Oli, toy libraries can also be a great way of trialing toys or equipment (e.g: mini trampolines) to see if your child likes them before purchasing. Because we all know how much money we can waste on toys that we think our child is going to like!

Til next time

Monique

Related posts:

1. “My child wants to socialise with other kids but doesn’t know how”
2. Part 1 – Why ‘Play’ is SO Important for Children with Autism
3. Is there a ‘Magic Formula’ for Autism?

One thing that you need to understand is how important PLAY is for the thinking, language, emotional, problem solving and creative skills development of children with autism. So many people underestimate the importance of PLAY.

Ok. So how does play develop and what should your child be able to do in play?

Stage 1

From birth to 18 months of life, much of your child’s play will revolve around Sensory Play.

This means feeling different textures, learning about how their body feels when it is moved in different ways, listening to interesting noises like birds tweeting, the clock ticking and how different people’s voices sound different and can make interesting noises etc, etc. Their sensory play will continue to develop and become more complex during the first 18 months.

Stage 2

As your child gradually learns to ‘make sense’ of the world around them they then learn to engage in Exploratory and Manipulative Play.

This means that they begin to work out the properties of objects (round, soft, hard, small, large) through their senses and work out how they can play around with them to do different things.

For example; if we take a ball there are many things that we can get to know about a ball… it is round, it can be big or little, heavy or light, you can throw it, kick it, catch it, bounce it, roll it… if I drop it from my high chair it bounces really high, if I put it in water it might float or sink… if I put it down the ramp it will go very fast etc, etc.

This kind of exploration and thinking is very important for a child to develop so that they can go on to learn how to use objects in many different and more complex ways.

Children develop some of this sensory and exploratory play on their own, but they also learn it through interacting and watching their parents, siblings and other children. Once children have built a warm and trusting relationship with certain people they become curious to learn more from them and gain a great deal from watching and copying them.

Stage 3 – Imaginary Play

Sensory play and Exploratory play will continue to become more and more complex. However, once your child has started to really explore objects for their physical attributes they will then be curious to learn about the different functions of objects.

…OK WAIT! Let’s just stop there for a moment.

Many of you might be thinking… “Hold up, my child is stuck at Stage 1 or 2!!”

Your child may be engaging in Sensory play for a good part of their day (playing in the dirt, mouthing objects, running back and forth, wanting to play crashing games, making noises for self stimulatory purposes, playing with objects to create fascinating visual effects, etc) OR they may be using Exploratory play with toys/objects in a very repetitive way rather than exploring all the different properties of the objects.

Challenges in the first two stages of play development are largely the result of poor sensory motor development and/or immature social skills. Since I have already talked about these topics in previous blog posts, I will simply say that if you would like further advice on how to improve these areas of development please check out the following resources…

Sense part 1 and 2 of my Autism Essentials DVD program

and the audio 7 steps to unlocking your child’s social skills.

OK. Back to our discussion of play development and Stage 3 – Imaginary Play…

What does Imaginary play look like?

Let’s take a toy car for example. A child will learn that you can push it just like the cars you see on the road, you can also put people in it and carry them to different places (like the park, or the shops, or to grandmas house etc), you can also put seat belts on the passengers, beep the horn, put things in the boot to take to the beach etc. As a child gains a greater and greater comprehension about what happens in their day and their life experiences continue to expand it endless what they will do with their play. This type of play is called imaginary or symbolic play and typically starts developing at around 12-18 months and becomes more and more complex as the child gets older (ie to six/seven years of age), until they reach a point where they can even act out things that have never happened in their life (eg going to the moon, pretending to be a fairy, etc).

There is SOOOO much that can be taught through Imaginary play and it is a wonderful way of developing your child’s thinking, language, emotional, problem solving and creative skills. However many families are not sure of how to effectively develop these imaginary play skills in their child. If you are interested in how to do this please look out for my next post because I am going to explain this in more detail for you.

See Part 2 here

Until then best wishes.
Monique

P.S: If you have any thoughts or stories to share about this week’s article please leave your comments in the box provided below.

Related posts:

1. Is there a ‘Magic Formula’ for Autism?
2. 7 tips for disciplining children with autism
3. If you want more language you need to expand your child’s world

One of the main autism symptoms or characteristics of children with autism is their language delays and slower speech development.

The ability of a child with autism to talk well is not just dependent upon having the motor skills to be able to shape sounds into words and words into sentences. But more importantly the child needs to have thoughts, ideas and feelings that they want to ‘share’ and communicate with others.

The reason that I want to talk to you about this today is because I had a session with a little girl named Sasha on the weekend. She is a delightful little girl who has many of the pre-verbal skills necessary to be able to talk and in fact she has already started to appropriately use some important words in her life e.g. more, go, biscuit… which is a wonderful start.

However it is very obvious that the area of development that is going to get in the way of Sasha’s language and speech development is going to be her ‘limited interests’ in her life. Sasha’s world currently revolves around food, lining up objects, food, some simple sensory play and MORE food. If we do not keep expanding Sasha’s world of play and new/motivating experiences then I can already foresee what is going to happen with Sasha’s language development…

She will get very good at requesting for her basic needs and wants with words, but then she is going to plateau with the different ways that she can use her language because she will not have a desire to speak about anything else!

I have come across so many kids with autism and asperger’s syndrome over the past 12 years where the parents have been desperate for the child to start talking and then have been so disappointed that when they finally start talking that it does not amount to much!!

Because of this I am training Sasha’s parents to really work on improving Sasha’s play skills. They’re also following the tips in my audio “7 Steps to Unlocking Your Child’s Social Skills‘.

In our therapy sessions I remind them that whilst we are working on increasing the number of words that Sasha can say, it is really vital that we keep expanding her world and interests so that she will not be one of those kids who’s language plateaus out shortly after they start talking.

The key to doing this successfully is by taking small steps and introducing new things very gradually so you don’t overwhelm them. You want to help them see the value in trying new things. The trick is to take something they’re familiar with that motivates them and combine it with something else that they like.

The first obvious step is that you need to know what they like and what already motivates them. This will make your job much, much easier.

As an example, lets pretend that your child likes jumping on the trampoline, singing songs, blowing bubbles and playing with balls…

So the next time they’re jumping on the trampoline… rather than simply jumping, try singing a song or blowing some bubbles whilst they are jumping, or put a few small balls on the trampoline and watch them bounce everywhere as they jump! You could even try just adding one ball at first, then adding more as they adjust to the new experience.

By introducing new things in this way they can focus on the new experience (the songs, bubbles or balls) while being comforted by the familiar and motivating sensation of jumping on the trampoline. This technique can be applied to just about anything your child likes to do. You’re only limited by your imagination!

If it’s obvious that your child is not enjoying a new experience, go back to what they like and then try again later or try another idea.

Using this technique will gradually expand your child’s world over time, and it will really encourage their expressive communication because they will have so many more things that they really want to share with you!

How does your child cope with new experiences?
Have you tried any particular strategies? How well did they work??
Please share your experiences and feedback by leaving a comment below

Happy connecting!
Monique

P.S: If you’d like to share this article with anyone who may enjoy reading it, you can click on the ‘Share’ button directly below, then simply follow the instructions on the next page.

Related posts:

1. Sharing vs Requesting Language
2. What makes your child tick?
3. “My child wants to socialise with other kids but doesn’t know how”

Since you are reading this I’m guessing that the subject line may have grabbed your attention which is great because….

What I have to tell you today is very important. In fact it may change the way you think about just about every aspect of your child’s treatment.

———————————–

I often get asked to give families strategies to help deal with specific behaviours such as ‘toilet training’ or ‘picky eating’ or ‘poor sleeping patterns’.

It would certainly make my job MUCH easier if I could tell each one of you that ONE particular strategy would be the ‘Magic Formula‘ for solving each of these issues.

But the truth is…

because every child with autism (like any child) is so incredibly different and so unique, there simply isn’t a ‘magic formula’ or one strategy in particular to remedy these individual behaviours.

But there is a solution… so please read on.

———————————–

After 11 years specialising in autism and treating hundreds of children, I absolutely believe that

…the children who make the greatest gains (and the fastest gains) are the ones whose parents and carers fully understand the unique differences of their child and know how to work with these individual characteristics, for maximum effect to help their child reach their full potential.

I have witnessed this time and time again.

So in order to interact with your child effectively and determine the best methods for managing their individual behaviours (eg: not weeing on the toilet, not socialising with peers, not eating a range of foods etc) you really need to understand your child’s individual sensory, emotional, thought processing patterns and learning style. Without this understanding, you will simply be guessing as to the best (and most suitable) methods of addressing particular behaviours with your child.

So what do you do…?

How do we help them with these issues…??

———————————–

My “Magic Formula”

The good news is that I have developed a magic formula of sorts… although with less magic and much more formula.

And although some of my clients might believe that I have a bunch of magic tricks up my sleeve,
the reality is that this formula involves no magic but rather…

…a well structured, methodical and individualised process, that systematically uncovers the underlying cause of ‘problem’ behaviours, enabling us to identify the most appropriate strategies and methods for treating them.

This process can be used with any child to target virtually any kind of behavioural issue.

I have never publicised this formula or the essence of my treatment model until now…

It is something I have only ever shared with my clients and those of you who already have my Autism Essentials Training Program.

But I know that unless I do share it with you, you will never fully understand why it is so important and how it forms the foundations for everything else that I do in the treatment of children with autism.

So let me introduce you to my Magic Formula… which I call the ‘Connect Therapy Pyramid’.

———————————–

The Connect Therapy Pyramid

I developed this formula and treatment model gradually over many years of working with children with autism and now use it everyday in the work that I do with the families I treat.

Whenever we have a problem behaviour that we are trying to target with a particular child we pull out the Connect Therapy Pyramid and work out systematically what is going on for the child.

I know it looks incredibly simple. But believe me, when used correctly it can be very powerful.

Each level of the pyramid is interconnected, starting from SENSE, then working all the way up through FEEL, THINK and LEARN, and finally arriving at BEHAVE at the very top of the pyramid.


Behaviour is only the tip of the iceberg

Imagine the pyramid is an iceberg. Your child’s behaviours are just the tip of the iceberg. They are what everybody sees on the surface.

But what we can’t see is the other 90% of the iceberg submerged beneath the water. What most people don’t realise is that they key to treating your child’s behaviours lies in being aware of and understanding the foundation skills and developmental deficits that make up the other 90% of the iceberg.



Example Case Study

Let me explain this by working through an example of how we would use the pyramid in practice.

Please note that even though the example I’ve chosen below looks at feeding issues, the formula can be used with virtually any challenging issue or behaviour that your child is experiencing.

Lets pretend that Jack is a very picky eater and will only eat home made chips, bread and banana. So the ‘behaviour’ we are trying to improve is getting Jack to eat a wider variety of foods.

But in order to treat the behaviour, we first need to understand why it is occurring.

It’s no good starting at the top of the pyramid, pouring all your efforts into treating the actual behaviour. We can’t waste time merely treating the symptoms of the problem (the tip of the iceberg) without actually understanding the cause of why it is happening.

For this reason, you must always start at the bottom of the pyramid with Sense, and work your way up.

As you become more competent at understanding your child at each of the different levels, the order in which you work can become more flexible. However you must ALWAYS analyse each of the lower levels first, before moving up to Behave.

• Step 1 therefore is to take into consideration whether there are any sensory motor challenges. It could be possible that Jack has a sensory processing issue. This could be based on either touch, visual (only feels safe eating certain coloured foods?), auditory (may not like the sound of crunchy foods?) or smell related issues. It may also be possible that Jack has an oral propriocpetive challenge where he does not have a good sense of where his tongue, lips and jaw are positioned and how they move which could mean that certain types of food are more challenging to eat than others.

• Step 2 is to consider what might be going on emotionally for Jack, what he is ‘feeling’ when he tries to eat new foods. It may be causing him an enormous amount of anxiety which means that meal time is extremely stressful for him. As we learned last week, if Jack is operating in a stressful state then he is unable to use the ‘thinking’ part of his brain to learn how to eat new foods. So until this is managed effectively there will be little change in his progress.

• Step 3 is to understand and consider whether Jack’s thought processing patterns are getting in the way of him trialing new foods. He may be very rigid and lack flexibility in the way he thinks. In this instance it is so important to build a warm and trusting relationship into mealtimes so that Jack feels very reassured and supported to take a few risks. But when doing this, it is also vital that the family know how to create the ‘just right’ challenge for Jack. If the challenge is too easy, he probably won’t be interested. If it is too difficult he might breakdown.

• Step 4 is to establish Jack’s learning style so that this can be taken into consideration when helping Jack work through this problem area. This is a very big area of analysis and involves understanding the auditory, visual and kinesthetic learning possibilities for Jack.



Finally, when we have dealt with each of the levels below, we can look at Jack’s behaviour and confidently choose the best strategies to help Jack with eating a wider variety of foods because we have a thorough understanding of the underlying issues causing this behaviour in the first place.

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So there you have it.
My ‘Autism Formula’.

I’ll be talking about it more in the weeks to come but right now this post is getting quite long, so I need to wrap it up…

I have only BRIEFLY touched on some of the possibilities for using this formula in the case study above to give you an idea of how this technique can be used to fully support your child’s development and learning. Hopefully you will have also gained a sense of how individualised and powerful this process can be for working with the unique differences of each individual child.

This treatment model is also very respectful (and fun!) for the child because it celebrates the fact that all children are unique and deserve individualised treatment and uses their natural motivations and strengths to help them learn more quickly.

If you’re interested in further training on using these methods to better understand and help your child then I’d recommend that you take a closer look at my Autism Essentials Training Series.  I specifically developed this program based on the fundamental principals of the Connect Therapy Pyramid. It covers each level of the pyramid in detail, beginning with SENSE then moving up through FEEL, THINK, LEARN and finally BEHAVE, teaching you how to understand and help your child at each stage.

To see how empowered and confident families become when they gain this incredible understanding of their child makes my work so rewarding.

At the end of the day it does not matter whether I have the skills to help the child. I consider it my job to hand over these tools to the parents and carers so they feel that they know how to tackle the various issues that arise. Only then do I feel that I have done a good job with the child and family!

Until next time. Happy connecting!

Best wishes
Monique

PS: Did this make sense to you? I hope that this has really enlightened many of you on the underlying principals and techniques behind my work. I’d love to hear your feedback or comments on my ‘Autism Formula’, so please leave me you thoughts below.

Related posts:

1. 7 tips for disciplining children with autism
2. One Habit to Avoid for Better Communication
3. “My child wants to socialise with other kids but doesn’t know how”

In my last post I spoke about improving your child’s social skills, and how preparing your child with autism for successful play interactions with other kids is a step by step process.

As mentioned, your child will need to become competent at playing and interacting with YOU (their primary caregiver) before they have the necessary skills to be able to do this successfully with their peers. This is mainly because ‘typically’ developing children are not very patient and will not wait around if your child does not have the skills to participate in the game or activity that they want to play.

Step 1

Therefore, step one is to make sure that you equip your child with these necessary skills by teaching them how to interact well with YOU first. You can get more help learning these skills with the ‘7 steps to Unlocking Your Child’s Social Skills‘ audio which I use regularly with all of my clients.

Step 2

Once your child has mastered the skills from step one you can move onto step two, and begin increasing the amount that you expose them to peer interactions.

Please remember that to begin with your child’s abilities with their peers will not be as advanced as they are with you. It is important that you learn how to support your child through their play with peers so that you give them every chance of success by ensuring that they have a positive experience.

Here are 5 key strategies I use with my clients on a daily basis to help them build successful interactions with peers…

1. To begin with I very much encourage my clients to be involved in the play with peers. I get them to use the strategies that I have taught them on how to ‘increase the emotional connection’ in play with their child. By doing this, parents become a very fun and effective player, and the other children tend to gravitate towards you of their own accord without you forcing them to be involved. This is a very natural way and one of the best methods of getting other children also involved in the play.




2. Where possible, to begin with, parents should try and create play situations where there is only one or two other children involved, because otherwise it becomes too overwhelming for your child. Once they feel comfortable with small play groups then the number of peers can be increased.




3. Your number one priority to begin with is to get an ‘emotional connection’ going between your child and the other kids, where they are sharing smiles and laughter with them. Please note that you are not just interested in your child having a fun time but rather that they are sharing this great time with the other child. Sharing face to face smiling at one another is a great example of this. It is through this emotional connection that your child will increase their desire to interact with the other kids, see the value that they add to their life and then eventually become curious to learn from them….which is what you want!




4. The most successful way of initiating interaction with peers is by you starting to play in a really fun way with YOUR child with what THEY are interested in (ie: the way that you do when you are playing one-on-one with them). If it looks like fun then the other child will be curious and will want to join in the action. Then just like magic you have another child joining in!




5. When you are playing you should direct your attention and ‘sharing’ of smiles and laughter a lot of the time towards the other children. The reason for this is because hopefully YOUR child will naturally be drawn to look at YOU because of the work you have done following my strategies from step one. Then when your child looks at your face and you are directing your attention towards the other child this will naturally direct your child’s eye gaze towards their peer. Remember that your number one priority to begin with is to get your child sharing more emotion and fun with their peer.



So these are just a few key tips to get you started. As your child gets better and better at sharing emotions with other children you can slowly withdraw more and more from the interaction.

The key to making this work really well is the ‘emotional connection’ your child creates with their peers and not just playing alongside them! Sure it is important for your child to have time in their day to also explore their environment independently but they also need some adult support when working on developing their socialisation skills with other kids.

Have a great day
Monique Simpson

Related posts:

1. “My child wants to socialise with other kids but doesn’t know how”
2. Full Marks for Fabulous Teachers
3. What makes your child tick?

Hi all,

Thanks to those of you that sent me through your questions and comments in response to my last message. It gives me more ideas of the knowledge that you would like me to share with you. As mentioned, unfortunately I won’t be able to answer them all immediately, but over time I will certainly try to answer everyone’s questions.. so stay tuned!

A number of you were interested in knowing more about how to help your child socialise with other children. I may have touched on this topic before, but since most of these issues can be quite complex and in-depth, it can be quite valuable to revisit them from another angle.

So in relation to the topic of Socialisation with Peers it is important that you understand a few key things.



1. Signs that your child is ready to begin Socialising with Peers

A child’s ability to socialise effectively with other children comes very naturally once the child is interacting well with his or her parents/caregivers first. When your child is playing with you they must be showing the following skills:

• They are sharing a range of emotions with you. Your child should enjoy the value that you add to their playtime and share lots of smiles, laughter, frustration and sadness ‘with you’. They should be seeking your company A LOT throughout the day.

• They use their eyes to read your non-verbal communication (i.e: facial expressions and body gestures) because 70% of meaning is conveyed this way. This is SO important in peer interactions because a lot of children when they start out playing don’t say very much at all and your child needs to be able to work out the meaning through the other children’s body movements and facial expressions.

• They are curious to watch you in play and want to learn from you. Without pushing your child they should be able to see the value in copying you because they like your ideas and want to be like you. This is what it feels like when you are playing with a typically developing child and the interactions are effortless. It does not matter what you play with the child they are just so excited that you want to do anything with them!

• They want to stay engaged with you, playing for a sustained period of time without you having to entice them very much to stay involved in the game.

• They use their communication meaningfully (verbal or non-verbal) to share their thoughts and ideas. Some parents may think that their child cannot make friends because they are unable to use their language to communicate. Fortunately though this is not true. I have treated a number of non-verbal children at preschool who had lots of friends and played really well. These children could socialise well because of their good relationship building skills and their ability to effectively express their ideas non-verbally. This goes to show that a child can still have friends and have good socialisation skills even if they are non-verbal.

If your child is challenged in the above areas then a great way you can help them develop these skills is to learn about the therapy strategies in my audio, “7 Steps to Unlocking Your Child’s Social Skills“.

I know I have recommended this audio a few times recently, and I make no apologies for this because the skills we are trying to develop here are SO fundamental and important to everything else. I also feel that it is pointless to introduce you to new topics or strategies without providing additional resources to further your knowledge because I can’t possibly cover everything you need to know in a few short paragraphs.

As with any of the resources I recommend (whether they are mine or someone else’s), I endorse them only if I genuinely believe that they offer some very valuable and tangible benefits to the ongoing development of your child.

I am currently treating a little girl named Jodie. Since October last year I have been training her parents on how to develop the above skills. A couple of months ago at one of our sessions Jodie’s mum was so pleased to report that she was starting to play with some peers at her playgroup. To be honest, I was not surprised, as this was a natural progression for Jodie since her parents had worked so diligently on the “7 Steps” as well as building Jodie’s effective communication skills (non-verbal and verbal). You can learn more about how to build your child’s communication skills here.

2. Playing with a peer is a lot harder than playing with an adult

For this reason it is critical that your child’s fundamental social and communication skills are developed first so that they can have the greatest chance of success with peer play. If a child with autism has poor relationship building skills (as mentioned above) an adult will compensate for this and put in lots of effort because they want to have an interaction with the child. However, on the other hand, a child will not put in the same effort but instead will run off and find someone who can play their game a lot more easily.

3. Your ‘play’ needs to be fun and interactive

There are certain techniques that you can use when facilitating your child’s play with a peer that will help make the play fun and interactive. This email has already gotten very lengthy so I will explain this in next week’s email for you.


Happy connecting!

Monique Simpson

P.S: To discover how Jodie’s parents helped develop her verbal and non-verbal communications skills you may want to take a look at the audio “How to Help your Child to Talk” to help you fast track these skills.

Related posts:

1. What makes your child tick?
2. Full Marks for Fabulous Teachers
3. Sharing vs Requesting Language

People are often curious what is the ‘secret to my success’ when working with children with autism and I reply by saying… “I always work with the strengths and motivations of the children I treat.”

Working in this way is a ‘no brainer’ to me and it puzzles me why more professionals do not work in this way.

It doesn’t matter what your child is motivated by, you can always use this to build other areas of development. Let me give you an example…

Yesterday I was treating a boy that really enjoyed carrying around his plastic cup and spoon. He tended to do this a lot, and his mum Mary was frustrated because she wanted him to put down the cup and spoon and play with her.

I said to Mary “Could you please bring me another cup and spoon?”. I then started to join Matthew banging the cup and spoon together because I knew that he really enjoyed interesting sounds. Instantly, I had a beautiful connection with Matthew and we were both enjoying the interaction.

After we did this for a little while I started to tap the metal spoon on my teeth (another interesting sound for Matthew), and sure enough he started to copy this with a big smile on his face. We spent the next 20 minutes playing together, finding all the other things that created special sounds.

So we were having a lovely time, but what was Matthew learning??… Good question… and the answer is, an enormous amount, and I’ll tell you why.

Matthew has language but he only uses it to request things that he wants. This is great, but the majority of the time we also use language to comment and share our thoughts, ideas and feelings with others. How unfortunate would it be for Matthew to only use his language to request for his needs and wants in life! Mary so desperately wants him to share so much more with his language, like what he did at preschool for the day. I couldn’t agree with her more!

‘Sharing’ thoughts and ‘sharing’ emotions are prerequisites for ‘sharing’ our language. If you think about it, a 12 month old child before they start using their language effectively will share their thoughts and emotions by pointing things out, smiling, eye gazing, bringing objects to you to showing you, etc which are all foundations of sharing thoughts and ideas. When that child is ready to really start using their language, they will already have developed the skills to be able to share things like what they did in their day or to show-off when learning to ride a bike etc.

This type of ‘sharing’ is one of the core deficits in children with autism, but it is certainly possible for them to develop these skills.

Getting back to my session with Matthew…

My goal was to demonstrate to him that I am a fun play partner who is really interested in ‘sharing’ in his world and also that it’s fun and safe for him to ‘share’ in my world. So by playing with the cup and spoon and remaining very goal focused, we were in fact ‘moving mountains’!

I recommended to Mary that she have a listen to my audio recording “7 Steps to Unlocking Your Child’s Social Skills” to learn more about effective ways that she could carry out this type of therapy with Matthew.

Discovering what really makes your child ‘tick’ and joining them in their world is such a powerful technique and relevant for children right across the autism spectrum.

Just remember that by staying focused on your goals it doesn’t matter whether you are playing chasings, bubbles or engaging in some imaginary play with cars, trains and animals. All that matters is that the play is motivating and energises your child!

Best wishes
Monique Simpson

P.S: Please leave any questions or comments below

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Today I experienced something at a client’s preschool which certainly added an extra spring to my step for the rest of the day…

It gives me such a buzz when I attend goal setting meetings at preschools and schools and the teachers truly celebrate the positive contribution that the child, diagnosed with autism, makes to the classroom.

This got me thinking…

‘Why are particular schools and preschools SO much better than others, for kids with ASD?’

Here are some of my initial thoughts that became very evident from my meeting today.

I highly value…

1. Teachers that are open, full of energy and excited to trial new suggestions.
2. Teachers that are creative and think of ways to incorporate the ideas with the rest of the class… because there are always other kids that can also benefit from the suggestions!
3. Teachers that are naturally inclined to find the positive in what the child has done and can readily see the good as well as the improvements (no matter how big or small)
4. Teachers that are open to trying something new and are happy to get in there and give it a go!
5. When parents, teachers and therapists can all agree on the type of intervention approach that is best for the child. Eg: today we were all celebrating Tom’s great social skills with his ‘typical’ peers which have come about because the whole team has worked so hard on building the fundamental sensory, social and communication skills that are necessary before peer relationships can successfully develop. Now Tom is reaping the benefits of this hard work!

It really makes such a difference when there is an open and respectful relationship between the parents, teachers and therapists, so that everyone is working positively together to make a REAL difference for the child!

Needless to say, I had a great day today

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Best wishes
Monique

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